Some Irish euphemisms for hotels

Vibrant - you wont sleep at night because its over 3 night clubs who attract a clientele that screams at each other until 4am
quiet, leafy location - miles away from anywhere
next to the Aviva Stadium - next to the building site that soon will become the Aviva stadium
rich in character - hasn't been redecorated since 1978
only a 5-minute walk from St. Stephen's Green - if you are Benny Hill, that is
renovated Georgian Building - former brothel
family-run hotel - reception 2 hours a day and scornful looks from the landlady if you come home after 11pm (actually not really a "hotel" but a bed and breakfast with pretensions)
recently restored - we found some magnolia paint out the back
informal - no service
situated in a premier residential area - no parking and public transport is crap
a pleasant outing from Dublin - last bus leaves at 8pm
traditional Irish hospitality - you'll be gouged for every last cent
rooms are furnished with simplicity and sophistication - we took a spin up to Ikea in Belfast
5-minute journey on the LUAS tram brings you to the city centre - beside the red light district
Recently restored - repainted in 2004
fashionable city-centre location - you'll never get a nights sleep due to street noise and traffic
within walking distance of the city's main shopping, entertainment, sightseeing and business districts - 2 miles from city centre on a route peopled by prostitutes plying their trade
only a half hour drive from Dublin airport - on a Saturday night at 5am that is
in an idyllic setting - 10 miles from anywhere
fully air conditioned - we had to put it in to get rid of the smell

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